I have read books and blogs and comments and articles and the back of milk cartons on how to loose weight…oh wait, maybe the milk cartons were saying LOST-WHITE CHILD…but I just see the lost part. I peruse so many weight loss sites and watch the spyware and annoying pop ups violate my screen…promises of trim, flat belly in only 30 days with this previously un-used, well kept Buddhist monk secret that involves acai berries, oolong tea and being published in Oprah’s book of the month selection. 
What makes a successful weight loss program work?
Hmmm…I’m not quite sure…I haven’t consistently been on one for more than a few months here and there…
Let me rephrase that question…
What does healthy living consist of?
THAT I can answer…
It comes down to what you feed yourself…and not just calorie wise. If you tell yourself, day in and day out, yyeeaahhh, this French fry won’t hurt me because I wear a size 5 (and you’ve been telling yourself that consistently for the past 4 months…daily) or I’m gonna die anyways, so I might as well die doing something I like (I said that…over and over again…every time I lit up a cigarette…for many cold winters outside) then you kind of live in denial…seriously. I have tried the chain smoking diet to lose that extra 5 lbs that seem to linger, or the soup diet that promises to rid you of 5-10 lbs!!! But that’s not really healthy eating. I never felt good eating just cabbages or the MacPoulet trio while smoking 2 packs of JPS (I was looking for the burn…seriously)…I know recently that I needed to really change what goes into my mouth…and it wasn’t easy…for the first few days that is.
Now, I knew what I could do in my situation but I don’t have the balls to do it…seriously. As much as my balls are bigger than most other people’s balls, this I couldn’t do. I could never ever ever ever…oh, did I say NEVER…develop an eating disorder. I think it was kind of cool to be obsessive of not putting food in your mouth at one point and only ingest illegal narcotics…but I’m too old for that…seriously. I was reading about an eating disorder that mostly women develop when they are type 1 diabetic, like myself. And when I read the articles written, and the blogs posted and I saw the statistics, I almost fell off my chair. It was that scary.
It’s a disorder called diabulimia. According to Wiki, Diabulimia (a portmanteau of diabetes and bulimia) refers to an eating disorder in which people with Type 1 diabetes deliberately give themselves less insulin than they need, for the purpose of weight loss.
Now why on earth would someone do that? Already having diabetes is totally…well, time consuming and when you’re not hitting your glycemic targets, well…it’s no fun. You’re tired, disoriented, have to pee ALL THE TIME (trust me, having a life that consists of your pants around your ankles without having any human contact isn’t fun…AT ALL) just to be SKINNY? Now I tried to jump on the anorexia bandwagon eons ago…I didn’t get past lunch. Maybe because I have always been…or wait, let me rephrase that…maybe because I was somewhat ROTUND in my childhood and early adolescent years, I always have that image of myself that I’m somewhat more…rubenesque…however, I have always maintained a healthy appetite…for everything in life.
Back to this diabulimia…I know what it’s like to be high (and I’m not just referring to big doobs here) but after a few hours of really high glycemic levels, you feel like garbage. And not taking your insulin can lead to diabetic ketoacidosis. That’s bad times. It has happened to me once. It was the worst 48 hours OF MY LIFE. I would drink water and throw it up less that 30 seconds later and it would be SMOKING HOT. I had the WORST acid reflux and I think I lost 16 lbs in less than a week. I can already hear some people sound vaguely impressed but let me tell you…it hurt and it sucked…big time. I came out of the hospital with bruises up and down my arms…BOTH arms. My skin was extremely dry (high blood sugars make you thirsty…not like I’m drinking to keep healthy thirsty or I just finished working out thirsty…picture OMG I’ve been in the desert without water for 6 months thirsty and multiply that by…a million?) and I looked like garbage. Literally. I had heavy black circles under my eyes (even the Goths and Emos looked at me funny) and I was shaking all the time. I felt like someone ran me over with Big Foot…and his entire posse.
I can’t believe that people would induce this…VOLUNTARILY. Thank god I only ever had to live that experience once and it was involuntary. When I’m looking over the side effects, it’s kind of spooky because Death is mentioned in the Medium and Long term effects. And medium term effects doesn’t seem like a long time. It only took me about 1 week to end up in the hospital’s emergency room, and I was taking my insulin…just not enough. So you can probably die from doing this for a few weeks. It’s more dangerous than diet pills or anorexia. At the least anorexia won’t cause you much damage for at the least a few months…this can kill you in WEEKS!!! I was looking at forums about this recently and there was some teenage girls who were SHOWING OFF their super control of their glycemic levels BY NOT TAKING THEIR INSULIN!!!
I wish that these girls (and yes, the few boys as well) had to live the same experiences that I lived growing up. Watching my father leave for the hospital three times a week to do his dialysis treatments. Visiting the metabolic clinic and getting a tour and explanations of the machines and seeing the ravenous side effects of diabetes. Meeting and genuinely liking a renal failure patient and watching him die at the ripe old age of 14. Crying as my father got taken away in the ambulance because he suffered yet another heart attack/stroke…all before the age of 16. When I became diabetic, I told myself that I never wanted to be in that position. Yes, I’ve gone through my rebel stage and I’ve had my fair shares of hyper and hypoglycemic attacks…but I tell myself now, by starting a new healthy lifestyle, that I won’t be like these emancipated women who forcefully damage their health and future by not taking their life saving medication. Fortunately for diabetics here in Canada, our health care system spoils us by paying for most of our medication. I don’t want that taken away because of a few individuals who abuse the system.
So for me, healthy lifestyle is eating foods that are good for me (and yes, the odd “GOOD TASTING” food..c’mon, I’m not PERFECT) moving every day, even sweating and trying to accept my body the way it is. I also, as much as it drives me crazy, test my glucose levels several times a day and write everything down in my cute little food/workout journal. I write as well how I’m feeling and if I’m experiencing any health issues that day and then I have another little journal that I keep where I write down any questions or concerns that I may have that I want to google or actually ask my doctor. That’s pretty anal I know…but until I can wake up in the morning and take healthy living for granted, that is what I need to do. I will also continue reading blogs, articles, youtube videos and of course my favorite pop ups that will redirect me to the secret of mankind…and I will take what I find relevant as information and use it and I will be on Oprah’s Book Club List…seriously, watch out for me.
